Coping with Death of a Loved One

When the time comes to make funeral arrangements, first decide how much you want to spend for the funeral. Funerals cost an average of $7,600 and often much more, depending on location and style. Knowing how much you want to spend will help you to plan the funeral and to keep costs within reason.

The Funeral Consumers Alliance provides information about affordable yet meaningful after-death arrangements. (click here). These non-profit groups, located in most states, often have access to less expensive funeral alternatives and may save you hundreds or even thousands of dollars on funeral arrangements.

If you decide to plan funeral arrangements, either for yourself or a loved one, you’ll have choices of several types of dispositions and ceremonies. Unless a deceased person has indicated their desires, you must choose how the remains will be disposed of for burial, entombment, or cremation. You may wish to consult with your religious leader. The type of disposition you choose will affect the cost.

To help ensure that your wishes are fulfilled, you may want to write down your preferences. It also may be helpful to tell relatives and other responsible persons what you have decided.

When planning funeral arrangements, here are some of the services and options you should consider:

Bring a friend or relative with you, someone who is not emotionally involved, when making funeral arrangements, whether or not you are planning them. This can help you keep the proper perspective on costs and elaborateness.

• Filing of the death certificate and provision of copies
• Moving the deceased’s remains to the funeral home
• Embalming
• Preparing the body
• Whether the service is to be indoors, at the graveside, or both
• Location of the service-at funeral home or at church or temple
• Content of the service, who will conduct it, and other speakers
• Music
• Flowers
• Pallbearers
• The hearse to be used and limousines for family members
• Transportation of the body to the cemetery
• Whether casket will be open or closed
• Viewing the body
• Chairs and tents for guests at the cemetery
• Guest book to be signed
• Headstone
• Obituaries

The Funeral Rule is the FTC’s trade regulation rule concerning funeral industry practices and has been in effect since April 30, 1984. This rule, a trade regulation rule for the funeral industry, enables you to get cost and other information about funeral arrangements over the telephone and in person. It makes it easier to select only those goods and services you want or need and to pay for only those you select.

The Funeral Rule requires that the funeral provider gives you a Statement of Funerals and Services Selected after you select the funeral goods and services you would like. The statement shows the prices of the items you are considering for purchase and the total price. It also requires providers to give you the cost of individual items over the telephone or, when you inquire in person about funeral arrangements, the funeral home will give you a written price list of the goods and services available.

When arranging a funeral, you can purchase individual items or a package of goods and services. If you want to purchase a casket or vault, the funeral provider will supply lists that describe all the available selections and their prices. As described in detail in the following section, the Funeral Rule helps you obtain information about the cost and availability of individual funeral goods and services.

Telephone Inquiries

When you call a funeral provider and ask them about terms, conditions, or prices of funeral goods and services, the funeral provider will:

• Give you prices and any other information from the price lists to reasonably answer your questions.
• Let you know about any other information about prices or offerings that are readily available and reasonably answer your questions.

You can compare prices among funeral providers using the telephone. Getting price information over the telephone may help you select a funeral home and your desired arrangements.

In-Person Inquiries

If you inquire in person about funeral arrangements, the funeral provider will give you a general price list. This list, which you can keep, contains the cost of each funeral item and service offered. It also discloses important legal rights and requirements regarding funeral arrangements. It must include information about embalming, caskets for cremation, and required purchases.

Use this information to help select the funeral provider and items you want, need, and can afford.

Embalming Information

The Funeral Rule requires funeral providers to give you information about embalming that may help you decide whether to purchase this service. Under the Rule, a funeral provider:

• May not falsely state that embalming is required by law.
• Must disclose in writing that, except in certain special cases, embalming is not required by law.
• May not charge a fee for unauthorized embalming unless it is required by state law.
• Will disclose in writing that you usually have the right to choose a disposition, such as direct cremation or immediate burial, if you do not want to be embalmed.
• Will disclose to you in writing that certain funeral arrangements, such as a funeral with viewing, may make embalming a practical necessity, and there would be a required purchase.

Cash Advance Sales

The Funeral Rule requires providers to disclose to you in writing if they charge a fee for buying cash advance items. Cash advance items are goods or services paid for by the funeral provider on your behalf. Some examples of cash advance items are flowers, obituary notices, pallbearers, and clergy honoraria. Some funeral providers charge you their cost for these items. Others add a service fee to their cost.

The Funeral Rule requires the funeral provider to inform you when a service fee is added to the price of cash advance items or if the provider gets a refund, discount, or rebate from the supplier of any cash advance item.

Direct Cremations

Some people may want to select direct cremation, which is the cremation of the deceased without a viewing or other ceremony at which the body is present. If you choose direct cremation, the funeral provider will offer you an inexpensive alternative container or an unfinished wood box. An alternative container is a non-metal enclosure used to hold the deceased. These containers may be of pressboard, cardboard, or canvas.

Because any container you buy will be destroyed during the cremation, you may wish to use an alternative container or an unfinished wood box for direct cremation. These could lower your funeral costs since they are less expensive than traditional burial caskets.

Under the Funeral Rule, funeral directors who offer direct cremations:

• May not tell you state or local law requires a casket for direct cremation.
• Must disclose in writing your right to buy an unfinished wood box (a type of casket) or an alternative container for a direct cremation
• Must make an unfinished wood box or alternative container available for direct cremation.

Required Purchases

You do not have to purchase unwanted goods or services or pay any fees as a condition of obtaining those products and services you do want, other than one permitted fee for services of the funeral director and staff and fees for other goods and services selected by you or required by state law. Under the Funeral Rule:

• You can choose only the funeral goods and services you want, with some exceptions.
• The funeral provider must disclose this right in writing on the general price list.
• The funeral provider must disclose on your itemized statement of goods and services selected the specific state law that requires you to purchase any particular item.
• The funeral provider may not refuse, or charge a fee, to handle a casket you purchased elsewhere.

Preservative and Protective Claims

Under the Funeral Rule, funeral providers are prohibited from telling you a particular funeral item or service can indefinitely preserve the deceased’s body in the grave. The information gathered during the FTC’s investigation indicated these claims are not true. For example, funeral providers may not claim embalming, or a particular type of casket will indefinitely preserve the deceased’s body.

The Rule also prohibits funeral providers from claiming that funeral goods, such as caskets or vaults, will keep out water, dirt, or other gravesite substances when not true.

The funeral provider will give you an itemized statement of the total cost of the funeral goods and services you select.

This statement also will disclose any legal, cemetery, or crematory requirements that require you to purchase any specific funeral goods or services.

The funeral provider must give you this statement after you select the funeral goods and services that you would like. The statement combines the prices of the individual items you are considering for purchase and the total price in one place. You can decide whether to add or subtract items to get what you want. If the cost of cash advance items is not known, the funeral provider must write down a good-faith estimate of their cost.

The Funeral Rule requires no specific form for this information. Therefore, this information might be included in any document they give you at the end of your discussion about funeral arrangements.

If you have a problem concerning funeral matters, you should, of course, first, attempt to resolve it with your funeral director. If dissatisfied, contact your federal, state, or local consumer protection agencies or one of the organizations in the “Useful Resources” section below.

While the Federal Trade Commission does not resolve individual consumer disputes, information about your experience may show a pattern of conduct or practices that the Commission may investigate to determine if any action is warranted.

Many people do not realize that widows and widowers can begin receiving Social Security benefits at age 60 (or age 50 if disabled) on the deceased spouse’s account. If you are receiving widows/widowers (including divorced widows/widowers) benefits, you can switch to your retirement benefits (assuming you are eligible and your retirement rate is higher than your widow/widower’s rate) as early as age 62.

In many cases, a widow or widower can begin receiving one benefit at a reduced rate and then switch to the other at an unreduced rate at age 65. Since the rules vary depending on the situation, talk to a Social Security representative about the options available to you.

Related Guide: Please see the Financial Guide: SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS: How To Get The Maximum Amount

Related Guide: Please see the Financial Guide: SURVIVOR’S BENEFITS: A Guide To This Often Overlooked Insurance Add On

• Most states have a licensing board that regulates the funeral industry. You may contact the licensing board in your state for information or help.
• The International Conference of Funeral Service Examining Boards is a not-for-profit voluntary association providing examination services, information, and regulatory support to funeral service licensing boards and educators, governmental bodies and other regulatory agencies.

The International Conference of Funeral Service Examining Boards

1885 Shelby Lane
Fayetteville, Arkansas 72704
479-442-7076

• AARP publishes Smart Ways to Cover the Costs of a Funeral, as well as other helpful pamphlets and free guides.

American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
AARP Fulfillment
601 E Street, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20049

• Funeral Consumers Alliance has a list of memorial societies and state funeral consumer alliances.

Funeral Consumers Alliance
33 Patchen Road
South Burlington, VT 05403
Tel. 802-865-8300

• The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) is an association of crematories, cemeteries, and funeral homes that offer cremation. More than 750 members own and operate crematories and encourage advanced planning.

Cremation Association of North America
499 Northgate Parkway
Wheeling, Illinois 60090
312-245-1077

• The International Order of the Golden Rule is an international association of independent funeral homes in which membership is by invitation only. Approximately 1,500 funeral homes are members of OGR.

International Order of the Golden Rule
3520 Executive Center Drive, Suite 300
Austin, TX 78731
800-637-8030

• The National Funeral Directors Association is the largest educational and professional association of funeral directors. Established in 1882, it has 14,000 members throughout the United States.

National Funeral Directors Association
13625 Bishop’s Drive
Brookfield, WI 53005
800-228-6332

• The National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association is a national association of funeral firms in which membership is by invitation only and is conditioned upon the commitment of each firm to comply with the association’s Code of Good Funeral Practice. Consumers may request a variety of publications through NSM’s affiliate, the Consumer Information Bureau, Inc.

National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association
6290 Shannon Parkway
Union City, GA 30291
800-434-0958

• If you have a complaint or question about funeral arrangements or funeral home practices:

Selected Independent Funeral Homes
500 Lake Cook Road, Suite 205
Deerfield, IL 60015
800-323-4219

The first step is to collect the necessary paperwork so that you can finalize the estate and file for any benefits that you and your children are entitled to.

The Death Certificate

Many of the offices or agencies you contact will require you to provide a copy of the death certificate. You can buy certified copies of the death certificate through your funeral director or directly from the county health department for a small fee, typically a few dollars per certificate. It is worth paying the money for the certified copies, however, since many companies require it.

Whether you think you need them or not, try to get at least 10 certified copies of the death certificate.

Insurance Policies

You will probably find copies of life, health, home mortgage, accident, and other insurance policies in a safe deposit box or with your spouse’s personal belongings. Any or all of these insurance policies could be sources of possible benefits to you and your children.

Social Security Numbers

You’ll need the Social Security numbers of your spouse and any dependent children.

Your spouse’s Social Security number can be found on the death certificate.

Military Discharge Papers

You will need a copy of a certificate of honorable (or other than dishonorable) discharge if your spouse was a veteran. If you cannot find a copy of the discharge, write to:

The Department of Defense
National Personnel Record Center
9700 Page Avenue
St. Louis, MO 63138
(314) 801-0800
website: www.archives.gov

Marriage Certificate

If you are going to apply for benefits based on your marital relationship, you will need copies of your marriage certificate. Copies are available at the office of the County Clerk where the marriage license was issued.

Children’s Birth Certificates

You will need copies of birth certificates for dependent children. Copies are available at either the state or county public health offices where the child was born.

The Will

You will need a copy of the will. Your spouse’s lawyer may have the will, or it may be in a safe, a safe deposit box, or with your spouse’s personal belongings.

List of Assets

A complete list of all of your spouse’s property, including real estate, stocks, bonds, savings accounts, and personal property will be needed. Land titles, stocks certificates, and other financial papers may be stored in a safe deposit box or another secure place.

Related Guide: To help your spouse find all the needed information and be better prepared for your death, please see the Financial Guide: POST-MORTEM LETTER: How To Prepare It And What To Include

The next step is to determine whether you are eligible for any benefits.

Insurance

Contact any insurers that may have issued policies to your spouse. Your spouse may have had several types of insurance policies, including the following:

• Life insurance,
• Mortgage or loan insurance,
• Accident insurance,
• Auto insurance,
• Credit card insurance, and
• Various types of insurance provided by your spouse’s employer.

The proceeds from an insurance policy can generally be paid directly to the named beneficiary. These claims can be processed quickly and are an important source of income for the survivors during this difficult time.

File claims for insurance policies as soon as possible, especially if finances are a concern.

You may be required to decide how you want the payments made. Options might include taking the money in a lump sum or having the insurance company make fixed payments over a period of time. Which payment option to choose depends on your financial situation. You may, for example, want smaller fixed payments in order to have a steady income. Or you may want the full amount immediately to pay bills or to invest.

It is highly recommended that you consult with a financial advisor about this decision. Do not succumb to pressure from an insurer to accept one plan or another. Take your time and make the right decision for you and your family.

Social Security

Your spouse is considered covered by Social Security if he or she paid into Social Security for at least 40 quarters. If you’re not sure or need more information, contact your local Social Security Administration office or call 800-772-1213 to determine if he or she was eligible. To find the location of your local Social Security Office, visit the Social Security Administration Office Locator.

If the deceased was already receiving benefits, do not deposit any checks received after death before checking with Social Security.

If your spouse was eligible, there are two additional types of possible benefits: (1) a death benefit and (2) survivor’s benefits.

• One-Time Death Benefit. Social Security pays a one-time death benefit toward burial expenses. Complete the necessary form at your local Social Security office or ask the funeral director to complete the application and apply the payment directly to the funeral bill. This payment is made only to eligible spouses or to a child entitled to survivor’s benefits.
• Survivor’s Benefits for a Spouse or Children. If you are age 60 or older, you may be eligible for survivor’s benefits. The amount of any benefits for which you will be eligible before age 65 will be less than any benefits due at age 65 or over. If you are under age 60, you may also be eligible for benefits if you are a disabled widow, age 50 or older and you care for dependent children under age 16 or disabled children.

Children who are under age 18 or are disabled may also be entitled to benefits.

When applying for Social Security benefits, have available your spouse’s birth and death certificates, your marriage certificate, birth certificates of any dependent children, Social Security numbers, and copies of your spouse’s most recent federal income tax return.

If your spouse was a veteran who received a discharge other than dishonorable, you may be eligible to receive a non-service-related death benefit. For non-service-related deaths on or after October 1, 2019, VA will pay a $300 burial allowance (if not hospitalized by the VA at the time of death) and $796 for a plot. If the death happened while the Veteran was in a VA hospital or under VA contracted nursing home care, some or all of the costs for transporting the Veteran’s remains may be reimbursed.

Burial in a national cemetery is free to a veteran, his or her spouse, and dependent children. Veterans are also eligible for a headstone or grave marker at no charge. The funeral director can help you apply for these benefits or you can contact the regional Department of Veterans’ Affairs (VA) office.

If your spouse was receiving disability benefits, you and any dependent children may also be entitled to monthly payments. Check with your regional VA office.

If your spouse was employed at the time of death, ask his or her employer about any survivors’ benefits. Your spouse may also be owed a paycheck for vacation or sick leave. If the employer-provided life, health, or accident insurance, you may be entitled to receive payments under these policies. If your spouse belonged to a union or professional organization, find out if this organization offers death benefits for members. If the death was work-related, you may be entitled to worker’s compensation benefits.

You should also contact all past employers, including federal, state, or local governments, to determine whether you are entitled to any payments from a pension plan.

If your spouse was already retired and was receiving a pension, check with the employer to determine if you will continue to receive a pension payment, and in what amount. You should get professional guidance as to when and how to take any retirement plan distributions due your spouse or you.

Related Guide: Please see the Financial Guide: RETIREMENT PLAN DISTRIBUTIONS: WHEN To Take Them.

Related Guide: Please see the Financial Guide: RETIREMENT PLAN DISTRIBUTIONS: HOW To Take Them.

If your spouse had a valid will, try to find a copy of it. Check with your lawyer, family and anyone who might know where the will is kept. It may be stored in a safe deposit box, which is sealed at the time of death in some states.

Wills should not be stored in safe deposit boxes.

If your spouse did not have a will, his or her estate will be distributed according to state intestacy law. However, the state intestacy law will not apply to property where the title is in the name of the deceased and another person who has a right of survivorship. This property automatically passes to the co-owner.

Probate is the legal process of paying the deceased’s debts and distributing the estate to the rightful heirs. This process usually entails:

• The appointment of an individual by the court to act as the personal representative or executor of the estate; this person is often named in the will. If there is no will, the court appoints a personal representative, usually the spouse.
• Proving that the will is valid.
• Informing creditors, heirs, and beneficiaries that the will is to be probated.
• Disposing of the estate by the personal representative in accordance with the will or state law.

The personal representative named in the will must file a petition with the court after the death. There is a fee for the probate process. Depending on the size and complexity of the probable assets, probating a will may require legal assistance.

Assets jointly owned by the deceased and someone else are not subject to probate. Proceeds from a life insurance policy or Individual Retirement Account (IRA) that are paid directly to a beneficiary are also not subject to probate.

There are various taxes that will have to be paid. Here is a summary:

• Federal Estate Tax. Estate tax is generally only due on estates exceeding the unified credit exemption equivalent, which for 2023 is $12,920,000 ($12,060,000 in 2022). Estates over the threshold amount are subject to 40 percent tax.
• State Death Taxes. State laws vary, but generally, any estate which pays a federal estate tax must also file a state estate or death tax form and pay the state death tax. This amount is paid by the estate to the state in which the deceased lived.
• State Inheritance Taxes. Again, state requirements vary. Most states charge no inheritance tax.
• Federal and State Income Taxes. The federal and state income taxes of the deceased are due for the year of death. The taxes are due on the normal filing date of the following year unless an extension is requested.

Professional guidance is strongly recommended in preparing the tax returns because the filing rules are quite complicated, and many tax-saving opportunities might be overlooked by an unqualified preparer.

You may need to transfer ownership or change the title of property owned or revise documents after a death. Here are some items that should be checked:

Insurance Policies

If you hold any insurance policies, you may have to change beneficiaries. You may decide that you no longer need to have the same coverage if you do not have dependents, especially in the case of life insurance policies. Auto insurance and home insurance may also need revision.

Your spouse may have medical insurance coverage through work. Under a federal law called COBRA, you and any dependent children may be entitled to continue under your spouse’s work-related medical insurance plan for up to 36 months, provided you pay the premiums. On the other hand, you may need to purchase your own medical.

Check with the employer to see if you can continue with its group health insurance plan, which may be less expensive. Contact the company issuing the policy to make any changes or for more information.

Automobiles

The title of the car owned by your spouse may need to be changed. Contact your state’s Department of Motor Vehicles.

Will

If your will provides for property to pass to your spouse, it should be updated. You may want to contact your estate planner for assistance.

Related Guide: Please see the Financial Guide: ESTATE PLANNING: How to Get Started.

Bank Accounts, Stocks, Bonds

If you had a joint bank account with your spouse, it will automatically pass to you. Check with the bank about changing the title and signature card on the account. To change stocks or bond titles, check with your stockbroker.

If a bank account was held only in the name of your spouse, those assets will have to go through probate. An exception to this would be trust accounts.

Safe Deposit Box

In most states, if the box was rented only in the name of your spouse, it will require a court order to open the box. Only the will or any other materials pertaining to the death can be removed before the will has been probated.

Credit Cards

Credit cards held exclusively in the name of your spouse should be canceled. Any payments due on these credit cards should be paid by the estate.

Your spouse may have used credit cards in both your names or used credit cards listed only in your name. If so, make the payments due on these cards to keep your own good credit rating. Notify the credit card companies that your spouse is deceased and that the card should list your name only. Some people, particularly widows, may experience difficulties in getting a new card if they do not have their own credit rating.

When applying for a card, inform the lender about credit cards you shared with your spouse, even if your name was not listed.

General Finances

Debts owed by your spouse will be the responsibility of the estate and should be forwarded to the personal representative or executor who is settling the estate. However, you should pay debts that are jointly owed (particularly mortgage payments and utility or phone bills) in order to keep a good credit rating.

Do not immediately make permanent significant financial decisions, such as selling your home, moving, or changing jobs. You will need some time to consider your situation before you can make these decisions responsibly. If at all possible, do not rush into a decision you might later regret.